Secret Diary of Sidney Sharepoint (Part 11)

Pottersgate Paints were two-nil up against Coventry Crowns thanks to two rather flashy goals from Peter Pottersgate. Sidney was having a very quiet time in goal wearing a goalkeeping top that was three sizes too big as it belonged to Gary Greedy. Sidney’s mind wasn’t totally on the game as he had somehow managed to arrange to take Hannah Harper to see Shrek Forever After in 3D on the same night as he was playing for Pottersgate Paints in the Midland Paints 5-a-side Cup. Sidney had tried several ways to get out of playing including claiming he had sprained his left ankle. The result was Ronald Roughwood, the Safety Manager, wrapping a very tight bandage around Sidney’s ankle. The bandage was so tight that Sidney’s whole leg was now a funny shade of blue. So it was now six o’clock and Hannah was still expecting him at Star City in ninety minutes. The one good thing was that Sidney had done a test run last night and found that he could drive from the Sports Centre to Star City in just seven and a half minutes.

Sidney was quite pleased how his week had gone and with the help of Action SharePoint had made a good start on the SharePoint project. They had even managed to allow Sidney to install a full copy of SharePoint Foundation 2010 on his Windows 7 Enterprise laptop so he could try some things out at home. He had also found the spreadsheet they gave him to let each department let him know which documents they currently had stored very useful. Of course, Gwen Gardner had insisted on her spreadsheet being three times longer than anybody else’s. Sidney had been surprised to find that across the company there were eight separate copies of the Quality Manuals all containing different versions. He was starting to see how much SharePoint was going to benefit Pottersgate Paints.

It was as Sidney was thinking about what Percy Pottersgate was going to think about the email he sent him this morning, with the suggestions for members of the SharePoint Project Team on, that a loud cheer echoed around the Sports Hall. Sidney looked up to see that Peter Pottersgate was celebrating in a rather laddish way after completing his hat-trick. Sidney had suggested himself as ‘Technical Lead’ and had even tried to recommend Hannah Harper as the representative for the Accounts Department. He had also suggested that Quinton Quigley, the Quality Manager, could be the SharePoint Project Manager even though he didn’t work Mondays. The Action SharePoint chaps had suggested the different Project Roles to Sidney and arranged a day of training for the project team a week on Thursday.

It was now nearly half past six and Sidney still hadn’t had a save to make. Pottersgate Paints had won their first three matches and were looking unbeatable. Percy Pottersgate was sitting in the balcony overlooking the pitch and looking very pleased. It looked like this was finally going to be Pottersgate Paints' year. Sidney was becoming more worried about missing his date and thinking perhaps he should have told Hannah Harper he might be late. This could be his one chance of a date with the lovely Hannah and he was stuck wearing a giant goalkeeper’s shirt. At least with the big shirt he had been able to put his favourite blue polo shirt underneath ready for his date. His tracksuit bottoms not only saved him from banging his legs but also hid his black bootleg jeans. He worked out he could be changed in under a minute if needed.

Next game was the quarter-final against the Tipton Topcoats and within minutes Peter Pottersgate was celebrating another goal. Sidney was thinking about sharing a bucket of popcorn with Hannah Harper when he noticed the Tipton Topcoat striker running towards him. Sidney dived to his left and the ball went to his right. An equaliser and Sidney started to think that if Pottersgate Paints get knocked out against Tipton Topcoats that he could yet make his date. Five minutes later and another shot from the Tipton Topcoats’ striker was heading straight at Sidney. Sidney jumped out of the way of the ball. Unfortunately for Sidney the ball struck his large bandaged foot and shot off to the halfway line. Where it was collected neatly by Peter Pottersgate before he twisted past three Tipton Topcoats players and scored the winning goal.

The Semi Final saw Pottersgate Paints take on their old rivals Galloway Gloss. Sidney knew that if they won and reached the final he would miss his date with Hannah Harper completely; at least if they lost he would only be a few minutes late. Percy Pottersgate called the team together before the game and told them in no uncertain terms that this was a game they had to win or they would all be looking for new jobs come Monday. It was a grudge match as Galloway Gloss had knocked Pottersgate Paints out the last two years. The game started well for Sidney as Galloway Gloss scored almost straight from kickoff and the ball was hit so hard that nobody could blame Sidney. Just after half time Pottersgate Paints equalised and for once the scorer wasn’t Peter Pottersgate but Satnam Singh from Sales. It was now a quarter past seven and the game looked set for extra time when Galloway Gloss had a break away. It was the number four of Galloway against Sidney. All Sidney had to do was let in this goal and he could soon be on a date with Hannah Harper. Sidney opened his legs wide to give the number four more of the goal to aim at and closed his eyes. Bang! The ball struck Sidney full on the face. Sidney was dazed and didn’t see what happened next. The ball travelled up in the air and came down right by Peter Pottersgate. Peter was trying a very ambitious overhead kick but appeared to forget which way he was facing and instead struck the ball straight into his own goal. Pottersgate Paints were beaten and Sidney was going to be able to go on his date. Just unfortunate that Sidney now had blood pouring from his nose and the imprint of a football on his left cheek.

Secret Diary of Sidney Sharepoint (Part 10)

Sidney couldn’t believe his luck. Hannah Harper was asking him out on a date. Well, it seemed liked that as she was saying that she wanted to see the new Shrek film, but hadn’t got anyone to go with. Sidney read the email six times to make sure he wasn’t reading too much into this. Animated cartoons might not be his kind of thing and he hadn’t been to the cinema for over a year, but this was Hannah Harper. The last time he went was when he was the only person in the cinema to see the film ‘The Dammed United’ the story of Brian Clough’s disastrous 44 days at Leeds. Sidney checked the times of the Shrek film at Star City in Birmingham and was really pleased to see that it was available in 3D at nine O ’ Clock this Friday. His only concern now was would he really look at his most appealing wearing those silly plastic 3D glasses. As it would be dark Sidney decided to go for it and emailed Hannah Harper back saying that if she was really really desperate to find somebody to go with then he could, if she wanted, take her on Friday night to see it in 3D. After pressing the send button Sidney sat back in his chair to wait for the response. Unfortunately as he lent back he knocked his souvenir IT Crowd mug, with its saying “Have you tried turning it off and on again”, off his desk. Maybe it was a sign of things to come that the mug hit the floor and broke into six pieces.

Peter Pottersgate was training again for the Pottersgate Paints five-a-side team with potential goalkeeper Gary Greedy, from the Gatehouse, in the staff car park. Colin Cousins had rung in sick making lots of coughing noises with a very husky voice. Sidney had pretended to believe Colin was sick even though he had heard him twice yesterday on the phone to his wife obviously preparing for an interview. So Sidney was left alone clearing up the remains of his ‘IT Crowd’ coffee mug. With the bin full of old unread copies of Computer Weekly Sidney opened one of the drawers in Colin’s desk and emptied in the broken parts of the mug. Maybe Colin could glue them back together when he returned? Just then an email arrived in Sidney’s Inbox. He checked hopefully to see if it was from Hannah Harper, but no it was from the MD, Percy Pottersgate. It was good news as Percy was giving the go ahead for Sidney to start a SharePoint Project.

Sidney was quite excited at the chance to really get involved with Microsoft SharePoint even if the lack of money Percy Pottersgate was budgeting for it would be a challenge. The idea was very much to try to considerably reduce the costs of the current Finance system and also to give the Sales Department less paperwork to do so they could have more time to sell. Another part of Percy Pottersgate’s email that was slightly concerning Sidney was that Percy wanted to Go Live with SharePoint to all the Pottersgate Paints sites on 1st September. This was going to be a challenge, but where should Sidney start? Maybe a good start would have been a nice cup of tea, but now with his favourite mug gone even that was difficult. Sidney could use one of Colin’s as Colin had left one unwashed for over six months that he was deliberately cultivating the green mould in. Then the postman arrived in the office with a delivery for Sidney to sign for. Sidney took delivery of a cubed shaped parcel while still trying to work out how exactly the postman had got past the Gatehouse and was walking around on site without a visitors badge. Surely Gary Greedy hadn’t left the Gatehouse unmanned?

Excitedly Sidney unwrapped the parcel and was delighted with what he found inside. There he found a gleaming white mug with the words ‘SharePoint Mug’ on the front and the SharePoint logo. He turned the mug over and found some more words ‘Don’t be a SharePoint Mug call Action SharePoint on 0121 3680055’. Sidney was so pleased not only could he have a cup of tea without having to scrape out Colin’s mug but he also knew exactly where to start his SharePoint Project. Those nice men at Action SharePoint would tell him what he needed to do.

The ping sound from his computer heralded another email and this one was going to bring an even bigger smile to Sidney’s face than his Action SharePoint mug had. It was from Hannah Harper from Accounts. She was saying how she would love to go with Sidney to see ‘Shrek Forever After’ at Star City on Friday. She would meet him there at half past seven and then they could have a bite to eat first. Sidney was really pleased and for once everything was working out so well. Perhaps this was going to be his lucky mug. Just then a loud scream came from outside the window from the staff car park. Sidney looked outside to see Gary Greedy lying on the floor obviously in great pain.

Within minutes Safety Manager Ronald Roughwood, with his custard stained tie, was treating poor Gary from the Gatehouse. The news was not good as Gary Greedy had obviously broken his left arm as he was trying to save a shot from Peter Pottersgate’s famous left foot. The angle his left arm was pointing was a bit of a giveaway.

A conversation with Action SharePoint went well and they confirmed that with the right Project Team in place it would be possible to deliver the project by 1st September and that if Pottersgate Paints used the free SharePoint version SharePoint Foundation 2010 then the budget figure was also realistic. The only issue was that to use SharePoint Foundation 2010 then they would need a 64-bit server. Their Senior SharePoint Consultant said that if the 64-bit server was a problem then they could start the project as Windows SharePoint Services (SharePoint 2007) and plan to upgrade later.

The next call Sidney received darkened his mood quite a bit. It was from a very stressful sounding Percy Pottersgate. He needed Sidney urgently. He needed Sidney to play in goal for the Pottersgate Paints five-a-side team in place of injured Gary Greedy. Sidney wasn’t keen as he knew how seriously Percy Pottersgate took the Midland Paints Cup. When Tommy Tomkinson, from Technical, missed that penalty last season Percy Pottersgate soon cancelled Tommy’s Twenty-Five Year Service Award. Things then got even worse for Sidney when he was informed that the tournament was on Friday night kicking off a 6pm. Sidney was about to give a reason why he couldn’t play but Percy Pottersgate just thanked Sidney for being a real Pottersgate Paints man and put the phone down.